watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
