he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
