I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
