She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
