After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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