We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
