Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Drunk walkin through police station. America
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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