He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
