Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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