I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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