So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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