OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
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working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
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Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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