I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Your penis caused this!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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