There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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