There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
