I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
