let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
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i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
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Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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