you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
