I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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