new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
