I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
