the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
