I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My dick has a subreddit
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
