apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
