I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
