I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
did i just pee glitter
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
