i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
