I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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