i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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