i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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