They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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