Porn is love you can see.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
