On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
