Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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