I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
