he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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