i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
