well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
