Moan for me like Helen Keller
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
