I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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