heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
