I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
