need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just had sex bonerless
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Crop dusting thru forever 21
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
