Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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