ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
