She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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