Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize