I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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