I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?