we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?