It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I wear drunk well.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
