I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
