Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
