The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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