They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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