God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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