At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
