you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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