I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
