and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
