return my video game
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
