I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
