there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
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His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
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He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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